The Other Man

The other man in my life is discreet. He won't come around me when my husband is near. But when we are alone, watch out! He is quite polite. He won't jump on me unless I give him a little boost. And then we have a heavy petting session. And when I say heavy, I mean heavy. Look at my precious fluffy lumpkin.


Homer, my love, my life was so empty (or lighter) before you.

However, he can be a fickle lover. Just yesterday he sat on someone else's feet. (Frank's feet declined to pose for this picture.)


He might need a little manscaping, because that chest hair needs constant attention. And dare I say the D word? A diet. I do wish he had neater, SMALLER, more economical bathroom habits. "Chore" was a spelling word this week, and Mrs. B asked the kiddies what was their least favorite chore. Mine was cleaning the cat box.


This bag of cat litter was supposed to last for 36+ days with 2 cats. It lasted only 25, and let me tell you, it wasn't dainty little Francine who was using it up.


Look at her. She is so shy and scared, I wonder if her previous man abused her. But she allows our men to pet her if she is under the chair. She is the daintiest eater. She will take one piece of kibble out of the bowl, bring it to the floor, and eat the piece completely including crumbs before she goes back for another piece. Unlike Homer, who is all gulp gulp gulp.

And so ends today's tale of Homer and Francine.

Do you have a pet tale to share?

Seeing Double?

Ernest finally wore his Christmas socks.





Ugh. The black rug needs vacuuming again. While I've been zipping through the house with my magic eraser (it works wonders on fingerprints around the light switches) the vacuuming has been put off. What excuse can I use?

Oh, here's a good one: I don't want to scare the new cats. Except that won't work because I had to vacuum up cat litter this morning--Homer is overly vigorous in his litter box activities.

What have you been putting off?

Blown Away

I truly am blown away by your kind comments on my doodles "paisley art. "

Wow, thank you! You made my week!

Jodi, those koi are yours if you send me your address.

My new cat Homer has that paisley pear shape. But he's white and grey and that's just not colorful enough.

So I need more ideas! What else can I turn into a doodle piece of paisley art?

10 Little Things: Thing 10 (Doodles)

Name 10 little things that make you happy.

Thing number ten: Doodles.



During a tough week, Mrs. B and I discovered we had a mutual love of coloring. There is something so relaxing about coloring...it just focuses your mind in a different way and gets you out of the stressful worry rut. I loved my TCPs with Miss L, but I got out of the habit. So I thought I would focus on doodling and my current obsession, paisley. I got out my ultra-fine-point Sharpies and wondered, how many ways could I doodle paisley?



My husband saw me doodling the tree and gave me that look. That disbelieving look. It relieves stress, I said. You have stress? he asked, with that tone. That disbelieving tone. You know that look and that tone. Like, what could you possibly be stressed about?

But I'm not going to go there.

I'm looking for doodle ideas.



What else could I turn into a paisley doodle?

Swag

Swag.

It's what the movie stars get.

I felt like a movie star on Valentine's day. The kids kept asking if I would come back after lunch for their party, because they had something for me. When I walked in, they all cheered. That was the nicest moment I've had in a long time. Really, it made me misty.

So here's my swag.

I'm in love with those pink marshmallow cats. They were from the boy who wears a tie because he wants to look like Mr. Gibbs on NCIS. He's also the boy with great manners. The other day he held the door open for me and said, "Ladies first." What a sweetheart.

Brotherly Love

Ernest has a Tech Club bake sale today. He was going to make cookies last night, but he woke up in the morning with a stiff neck. Stiff? He could barely move. He is not used to being incapacitated. He was miserable.

So Frank stepped up -- with two dozen chocolate chip cookies for the bake sale, plus another batch for us. "This one just won't fit on the rack, someone HAS to eat it."

Sweet!



Why yes, they do have Pi on them.

I know I talk about baked goods a lot. Because Frank bakes the best! It's a great hobby.

Avett Brothers

I'm woefully ignorant of most current music. I only know Lady Gaga from Glee, and I've never actually heard Justin Bieber sing. (Although thanks to Cheri, I now know and love Adam Lambert.)

But I liked these guys! They were better than Dylan, who followed them.



I've got to expand my horizons.

Non-live grammy blogging

I don't normally watch, but I got sucked in this year. Not really to see Justin Bieber lose (because I already knew it would happen, see below ***). I don't have anything against him, it's just my sons don't like him.

Mostly, I'm STILL waiting for Keef (oops, sorry, wrong Stone) Mick and Barbra.

***But the Grammys didn't start on local TV until they were actually already over. NOT FAIR. At least the frickin' Oscars are on live in the state they originate in. We might be the on left coast but I hate being on the leftover coast.

They're doing the dead montage now.. My back was turned...someone who did My Sharona is dead? I feal really old now.



Mick's on.

PAUSE

OK, he looked like a leprechaun. Green shirt and green silk jacket. He's 67???

Barbra, at last. Evergreen.



Funny, the grammys blocked the mick youtube but not the barbra.

The camera passed by P diddy doody puffy daddy. He looked bored. Cyndi Lauper looked verklempt, bless her little cleavaged heart.

10 Little Things: Thing Nine (Magic)

Name 10 little things that make you happy.

Thing number nine: Mr. Clean Magic Erasers

I've had them in the cupboard for years and never used them. But when I saw Kristen M's comment over at Derfwad Manor, I had to pull one out and try it on my craptactularly scummy shower door.

Magic all right! I call it a miracle!

No, Mr. Clean is not paying me to say this. But if he would like to send me some more erasers...

From FAIL to WIN

I've been cooking real dinners since I was 19. I don't have too many absolute failures anymore. Some things don't taste as great as they might, but total bombs? Not really. Imagine my surprise when my basmati rice, which I have made countless times, turned out to be a sticky nasty blob. I KNOW I followed the directions. Fortunately, my refrigerator treasure trove included a carton of leftover Chinese restaurant rice which saved the day for my green curry dinner.

But there I was, staring at the starchy blob, when Inspiration with a Capital I hit. "Frank," I cried! "You need to learn how to make rice pudding!"

So he added some milk, sugar, eggs, vanilla, dried cranberries, and his secret ingredient.

(Oh, I'll tell--cinnamon.)

And the massive fail turned into a win.

Every day is Caturday!

At least around here!

Homer and Francine spend much time lounging in their kitty condos. Homer is more adventurous and has made several investigative forays around the house. He has also advanced to a few lap sessions, and consented to sleep with Ernest for an hour last night. Unfortunately that gave skittish Francine the opportunity to sneak into Ernest's closet. (The day before, she chose behind the piano as her preferred location.)

So I text the kids Elvis-like updates..."Francine has left the closet." She's the Greta Garbo type.

I gave Francine breakfast in bed in her condo (at 4 p.m.) since she was in the closet for the morning meal. Homer was quite put out because there was no food for him, but jeez, look at the guy. He doesn't need seconds.


He's at his widest sitting down. He's one of those cats who would say, "I'm not fat, I'm fluffy." Yes, he is incredibly fluffy but, no surprise, he's fat underneath!

10 Little Things: Thing Eight

Name 10 little things that make you happy.

Thing number eight: New Friends

Please join us in welcoming Francine and Homer to the Smalltown Household.

These are their bios, via Petfinder.

"Francine's life has been a fairy tale, until recently. She came to the Humane Society as the young offspring of a feral cat and after a brief stay, she landed in the arms of a loving senior woman and her husband. She immediately bonded with the woman, relegating the husband to second class citizenship. Her life as queen suited her well. When the woman passed 3 years later, the husband brought Francine here to find another woman to call her own. Francine is one of our Lonely Hearts Club members which means she prefers the company of people over most other animals. She has befriended another club member, Homer, and they currently share a double occupancy suite. Francine is looking for that special someone. Could it be you? She is the proud owner of a spectacular bushy plume-like tail. Peacocks have nothing on her! She is 3 years old and weighs 7 lbs."



"Homer is a full personality character. He is quirky, particular, affectionate, tidy and very dependable. His day starts at 8:00am sharp with a satisfying stretch, immediately followed by the breakfast bell. Meow, meow, meow. Once breakfast is complete he uses the facilities, and initiates the flush bell. Meow, meow, meow. Once his area is clean and his bed is made, he settles in for one of many siestas. Homer knows how to relax. He recently moved into our Lonely Hearts Club suite where he can relax with a single roommate, rather than the full house. At 8 years old he appreciates routine over constant activity. Come meet this entertaining fellow. He will brighten your day. He is 8 years old and weighs an impressive 17 lbs."

10 Little Things: Thing Seven

Name 10 little things that make you happy.

Thing number seven: Dancing Children

Yesterday, one of the third graders asked me if I was going to the assembly after lunch. "We're dancing," he said. Well, I had to stay for that! Our third graders are so lucky. They all get to participate in this fantastic program. They were wonderful!

SBDI ...5...6...7....8...Dance from Rosalina Macisco on Vimeo.

Minor Annoyances

It seems I've run out of the happy little things for a while. It's not that I'm actively UNhappy, but nothing's piqued my interest recently. So instead, I'll vent about some recent minor annoyances.

Speed bumps. There are NINE speed bumps on Ernest's campus. Thump/Ouch. Repeat 8 more times.

Bug bites. I am covered with them. At first my paranoid mind thought bedbugs, but A, we haven't been anywhere lately that we could have gotten them from, and B, my husband has not been bitten at all. My second thought was fleas. Since the cat is gone, the fleas have to attack someone. Who knows. Itch, itch, itch.

A certain child at school. She acts the opposite of her pretty name so I'll just call her...Dischordia. That's what she's causing, so she can be the center of attention.

Stop signs. Since when did stopping become optional? I'm not even talking about the rolling California stop (I'm occasionally guilty of that, too) but I'm seeing so many people drive right through without even bothering to stop at all.

Seat belts. Or more particularly, when someone is driving our truck said someone does not put his seat belt on until he has driven a block, and then he struggles with it and swerves.

Children's clutter. Not Frank's because I won't even go there. Literally. I will not go in his apartment. Out of sight, out of mind. But since Ernest is in the house, his clutter is visible. He can leave stuff out and ignore it for weeks, nay months, nay years an eternity. I got fed up with the school supply shelf which has had all his 8th grade papers strewn across it since June. I don't have a before picture -- it was just too awful.

That's enough of that for today.

The Daily Drive : Apples

And here's another break from the favorite things....This has been floating around in my drafts for a while.

Just north of the deer crossing, and across the road from the haunted house, is Apple Lane Farm. No surprise, it's owned by the Lanes. This is the scene of many first grade field trips. Mrs. Lane knows everything about apples and the little woollybugger moths (honestly, they have a real name but I can't remember it) and the pheromone sticks they use to repel the moths.

A useful tip for squeamish children -- even if the apple has a hole in it it's still OK to eat...the moth caterpillar has gone all the way into the core and the rest of the apple is fine.

Here's six-year-old Ernest on his field trip way back in 2002.


It looks like his friend picked more apples than he could carry.

Sweet sweet memories. Makes me want some apple pie right now!

10 Little Things: Thing Six

Name 10 little things that make you happy.

Thing number six: Chatty Children


Nothing makes me happier than when a child chats with me at recess. I have had a little shadow this week, young Master Y.

I have learned so much about him:

• directions to his house -- does he want me to visit?
• his favorite food -- fried potatoes
• his favorite color -- almost everything except pink
• his sleeping habits -- he's a deep sleeper and doesn't remember his dreams
• his bathing -- "I had to take a shower because I had a P E E (he spelled it out) bed." "That's T M I!" I told him.
• his secret -- "Can you keep a secret?" he asked. "Of course," I said. So he came close and pulled his shirt tight to show his round belly. "I weigh over 80," he whispered. I guess I'm glad he can confide in me.
  

10 Little Things: Thing Five

Name 10 little things that make you happy.

Thing number five: Girl Time

I have a husband and two sons, and so does my beloved niece (although her guys are younger). Sometimes we feel the lack of female companionship. So every once in a while (but not often enough!) we manage to carve out what we call "girl time" where we dish and commune and commiserate and whatnot. And perhaps have an Herb Garden Gimlet.

This WAS going to be my happy thing yesterday but she had to fill in for a sick co-worker.

So we have a rain check for girl time and going to see Black Swan!

Enjoy your time!

The Fly

[We hereby interrupt the favorite things broadcast to bring you this replay of a recent event...Dialog and events remain the same, names have been changed to protect the innocent.]

INT. BEDROOM - 1:45 a.m.

HUSBAND and WIFE are lying in bed. Wife moans,
tossing and turning in the bed. Husband sighs.

BZZZZZZZ BZZZZZBZZZB BZZZZZ BZZ BZZBZ BZZ ZZZZZZZZ BZZZBZZZZ BZZZZZZZ BZZZZZBZZZB BZZZZZ BZZ BZZBZ BZZZZZZZZZZ BZZZBZZZZ BZZZZZZZ BZZZZZBZZZB BZZZZZ BZZ BZZBZ BZZZZZZ ZZZZ BZZZBZZZZ BZZZZZZZ BZZZZZ BZZZB BZZZZZ BZZ BZZBZ BZZZZZZZZZZ BZZZBZZZZ BZZZZZZZ BZZZZZBZZZB BZZZZZ BZZ BZZBZ BZZZZZZZZZZ BZZZ BZZZZ BZZZZZZZ BZZZZZBZZZB BZZZZZ BZZ BZZBZ BZZZZZZ ZZZZ BZZZBZZZZ

WIFE
I'm going to turn on the light and kill that damn fly.

HUSBAND
(discouraged)
You'll never find it.

The light comes on and we see Wife armed with a purple flyswatter.

WIFE
Wait for it, wait for it wait for it.....
..... There! It's on the lightbulb.

She swats in vain but she can't reach it. She gives him the flyswatter.

WIFE (CONT'D)
(emphatically)
Get it! I don't care if we break the bulb.

He perches precariously on tiptoe on the end of the bed, in the nude.

SWAT.

The fly is on the floor. She grabs the swatter.

SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT.

The lights dim.

FAINT BUZZ continues for 20 minutes.

10 Little Things: Thing Four

Name 10 little things that make you happy.

Thing number three: The What Should Frank Make list.




This is an actual list on our refrigerator. I added red velvet cupcakes after I read Cheri's blog. I think Frank could fit that job description.

Frank was looking to expand his dessert repertoire beyond the incredible pies and cookies he has already mastered. Ideas were flying around the room, so I said, "Why don't you make a list?" Crickets chirped. No one makes lists around here except for me, so the list is in my writing.

Our weekend included a cheesecake. I've since added lemon bars and s'mores brownies to the list.

10 Little Things: Thing Three

Name 10 little things that make you happy.

Thing number two: An afternoon with Frank and Colin

As your children get older, especially after they can drive themselves, one-on-one time with them gets increasingly rare. So it was a special treat for me to spend yesterday afternoon with Frank.

He wanted to see The King's Speech, which surprised me since usually he tends towards sci fi adventure. Now, I've been wanting to see it too so I jumped at the chance.

Because....really, you know why.



So I got a ride in the Mini to the big town, we had Kahuna burgers, saw the movie, and went to Costco. He pushed the cart. What more could a mom ask for?

I was happy all afternoon.